Trim the Hedges
by Ace's Lucky Bay
Summary: Life aboard the Argo II is never quite boring. Far from it, in fact. One-shot. What do we do when Coach Hedge has gone missing? Why, we eavesdrop on him sleep talking of course!


Leo was bored. Sure, he could play with his giant warship and entertain himself using sharp weapons and his magic tool belt but weapons and deadly instruments can only entertain a demigod for so long. He was bored. Alone in the engine room, Leo stared blankly at his map of the ship, mentally locating where each of the seven and their two stowaways were at the moment.

Annabeth and Percy were pouring over battle plans and resting after their dramatic rescue from Tartarus. Piper and Hazel had mentioned checking out the stables below deck after breakfast. Jason was practicing his swordplay in the weapons room. Nico was on guard, patrolling the hallways around the infirmary. Obviously, he, Leo, was in the engine room. Where was Coach Hedge?

Leo sat and listened for a minute. The constant thrum of the engine rang in his ears, Festus the dragon head whirring on the mast. Leaving the engine room and stepping out into the hallway, the closed the door behind him and listened again. From this vantage point he could hear more than just the engines. He could pick out the sounds of Jason slashing a dummy's head from the rest of it's plastic body. Leo could tell Nico was pacing along the hallway with his sword drawn. He could hear Percy and Annabeth talking quietly and happily, content with each other.

The ship was quiet. This wouldn't have been a bad thing, except the Argo II was never quiet. Leo knew Beauty Queen and Hazel were downstairs. Hedge wasn't with them. Why wasn't he yelling into his bullhorn? He'd been screaming into it all last night, they'd all groaned in relief when the noise had stopped around one thirty this morning. And Leo hadn't seen him since then.

"Nico, have you seen Coach?" Leo asks a moment later, uncharacteristically serious. Maybe it was the stress of the last few weeks. Maybe it was the lack of sleep he'd been getting.

"No, not since…" Nico trails off, realizing the last anyone had heard from him was bright and early this morning.

"Great. We lost our chaperone. Chiron will be ecstatic." Leo grumbles to himself. "I'll get Jason, can you check below deck? Piper and Hazel are in the stables."  
"I'm on it." Nico disappears quickly. Turning the opposite direction, Leo enters the weapons and training room to speak with Jason and promptly finds himself staring down the shaft of a five foot long spear.

"Um, hi?" He says, eyeing the tip with a frown. Glancing up he's relieved to see recognition flash in Jason's eyes before lowering the weapon.

"Sorry about that. The nerves are shot, if you know what I mean." Jason quickly straightens his posture and turns into a trained Roman again.

"No problem man. Hey, have you seen Coach recently? Nico and I haven't heard from him since around one thirty this morning…"

"Now that you mention it… nope. Can't say that I have."

"Lovely." He proceeds to exit the room, Jason on his heels. They promptly ran into Piper and Hazel on their way up from the stables. They were giggling like only teenage girls could, their cheeks flushed eyes watering. Jason took one look at Piper and started to smile, though Leo had no idea why.

"Come listen to this!" They demanded in a quiet whisper. Well, Hazel demanded. Beauty Queen sort of commanded them to listen. They stopped outside the door to Annabeth's room. As she slept with Percy most nights, it was usually empty. Usually.

Nico joined the eavesdropping group a moment later, grinning like only a child of death could. Leo found it slightly creepy.

"I don't want to trim the hedges!" Coach Hedge roared from behind the closed door. "My name is Gleeson Hedge, that doesn't mean I like hedges! What good is an orderly pile of sticks? I am not trimming your hedge!"

He's sleep talking! Piper mouthed to the group.

Jason knocked loudly on the door. "Coach? I think I just saw Nico run down the hallway." He grinned at the look of horror on the younger boy's face. "You may want to stop him, I feel that he's endangering everyone else's safety-" He never got to finish his sentence. Coach Hedge was awake and swinging his club around in a frenzy, looking for whoever was breaking his precious rules. "Oh, and by the way, the hedges need trimming on the top deck."

The crew laughed at the look on his face. The Argo II was never that boring.


End file.
